FAITH

If I could base my entire life on FAITH so many things would be different. I wouldn't be fearful, because I would have the faith to know that it will all work out.  Maybe not the way I want it, but it would be okay.  I would not play yo yo with God, giving Him my life and then pulling it back incase He needed my help. If I had full faith I would have faith in people and not want to run from them and maybe run to meet up with them.  I could speak my mind with kindness and convection without being concerned what others thought. 

But the truth of the matter is I have a little faith, you've all heard the mustard seed story, and that is truly all I need, because even if I do pull away from God - He would never pull away from me.  I am His forever and for always and no matter what I do or what slips out of my mouth, God loves me.  And if I remember to keep looking up - all will be well.

Goodnight,

Patti 

Facing Changes

I have such a difficult time with change.  Life is so complicated already - and just when you get used to the way things are - they change.  My dad once told me that the only thing you can really count on is change - I know he was joking, but sometimes those word haunt me.  Change can be really, really positive and even that kind of change takes getting used to, but when life turns a corner and you find yourself viewing things from a whole different prospective (like upside down hanging from your toes) and you just want to put your head in your hands and cover your eyes... you gotta lean on your faith, send up a little prayer, take a deep breath and march on. 

I look at my Mom, who has been through many, many difficult health challenges and she always, always marched fearcely on.  You couldn't hold her down she faced the challenges and the changes head-on like a warrior going to battle.  You learn a lot from watching people go through difficulties in their lives.  And you grow a lot from facing your own, but lately I haven't be as courageous with the changes I'm facing - I would really like to bury my head under the covers and hide, but - alas that is not possible I must take part actually I am one of the key players and I can't let my team down. 

 Mom is struggling with dementia that is caused by little strokes or TIAs and lately I have seen uncanny changes in her.  It's sad and to be honest it makes me a little mad.  I want her back,  I want the real deal, I miss her.  She is still our pretty little Mama, but the fearce warrior is gone, she can't fight this one off, it is a mercless apponent, but she is happy. She  makes amazing crocheted items - she makes blankets for war vetrans, terminally sick children and tiniest little premies.  She comforts and touches people all over the place with her yarn wonders, so maybe the change won't be the one I would hope for, but the acceptance of the gift that God has given her and her ability to reach out to the world with it. 

Mom's  memory maybe fading, but her spirit never will.

I love you Mom - Happy Mother's Day! 

Patti

Prom part 2 "The Asking"

Sooooo, he did it... he pulled the trigger. He made his plan, got his mom and me to paint the t-shirts, bought some pretty flowers and got his friends to help and purely by accident I got to witness it.  They lined up and when she walked by they turned and if you look closely - on the far right here he comes with the flowers.

And she is surprised and excited and of course she said yes!  I was so nervous for him, but he was just excited wanting to make it special for her and he did.

Celebrate!

I wish them a wonderful, memorable, magical -  Prom night 2012. 

Boy have things changed!

It's that time of year where the girls are nervous no one will ask and the boys are nervous to ask.  No one wants to be rejected.  When I was asked to prom a long, long, very long time ago - the guy called me on the phone and kinda mumbled - do you wanna go to prom?  and I said, okay and that was that.

Things are really different now - Our senior and his friends are under a lot of pressure to come up with creative and exciting ways to ask - so they don't just have to worry about what she might say - he has to set himself up for the ultimate humilation or the greatest relief.  But the funny thing is they really go for it - flowers, chocolate covered strawberries, painted t-shirts, big signs even body painting.  I guess it's a good thing to make these young men stretch their creative hearts and in the long run they will never forget and neither will she.

Terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

So, today was not anything close to easy.  I was stressing about a big meeting I had this evening and kept screwing up the stuff I was working on all day. I had a headache all day and my stomach actually really hurt.  My car is running terrible and I think it's the transmission, gonna be expensive.  After the meeting, that actually wasn't as bad as I thought, I went home and my sister, who was caring for our mom, had made a wonderful dinner, but my stomach just wasn't interested.  I fell asleep on the couch and woke up to terrible, horrible, no go, very bad, stomach cramps.  I think I have the flu.  Thanks for letting me whine.

barely making it,
Patti

Writing to Heal

I have wanted to be a writer all my life. When I was younger I would write these drama filled, broken hearted poems. I wrote stories, I wrote in journals and notebooks, on scraps of paper and I even have some old envelopes that I wrote on when I couldn't find anything else.  Writing helps me understand my feelings and how to deal with them. It allows me a safe place to have my feelings and then (hopefully) let them go.  writing affords me the opportunity to vent, gripe, bitch, whine, dream, and then breath.  Writing helps me heal what's hurting and share anything I want without fear of ridicule or embarassment, because I'm the one who chooses who is invited to see.  I have been working on a YA book for a few years now and I don't know if  I'll ever complete it, but the act of doing it is what I find healing and refreshing.  I want to be a writer some day, hey, wait... look at me I'm writing and that's makes me a writer.

First Theme Day

First Theme Day!

Well, believe it or not I'm not much of a movie goer.  Since my Mom's stroke it has become a bit tricky to get to a movie, but I do remember a movie that inspired me to write.  Julia and Julia - if you remember it's about a gal who starts a blog based on cooking from Julia Child's cookbook - in a similar format as a  blog-a-thon.  I didn't even know what a blog was before I saw the movie and then I spent a lot of time thinking about how much I'd like to try putting a blog together and then finally I looked into it and well here I am.  I really enjoy doing this and the blog-a-thon has really kept me motivated.  Tonight's blog is short as I am exhausted and not feeling very well.  

Good Night,

Patti 

P.S. the picture is of my birthday dinner (my sister, not Julia or Julia, but Julie cooked it for me).